Evil Skippy's Writing Tips

Other writing blogs will give you tips on how to improve your writing. How to develop your characters. How to muscle on through to the end. How to be productive.

Ha.

Today, your evil twin Skippy brings you 10 things to do instead of writing.

10. When was the last time you looked at your high school yearbook? Find it. This will either be a fond nostalgic trip down memory lane or a reason to go buy boxes of liquor.

9. Realize your house will never be as clean as the one you grew up in. Get comfortable with this thought while lying on the couch and watching the dust motes surf the air.

8. Reach into the back of your refrigerator and open that plastic container. You get 10 guesses on what it used to be. Bonus points if it has developed a pulse.

7. Go outside and marvel at how fast the weeds are growing in your garden. Consider how much easier your life would be if it was socially acceptable to just grow weeds instead of flowers.

6. Can you guess how many stairs there are in your house? Try. This might be important knowledge some day.

5. Think about how many writing projects you are presently working on. Although you are not actually writing at the moment, this will make you feel productive. Celebrate this productivity with a cookie for each project.

4. Start composing the thank you speech for the many awards you will receive one day. Practice your winning smile in front of a mirror while holding a shampoo bottle.

3. Turn on the TV and cruise up and down the channels. Remember when you were a teenager and there was always a good show on? When did this change?

2. Find out how many odd socks are sitting where ever you keep odd socks. Notice how the pile has grown since the last time you looked. Nope. Still no matches.

1. Wonder what your pet is thinking. Really wonder. Now, get a bit nervous and slowly leave the room.