Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Great fun, Elspeth, and so true. I wonder how on earth people from other countries ever learn to speak English, especially American English. :)
ReplyDeleteNow I need to grab lunch and run off to the conference where I'll soak up info and pitch one of my manuscripts. Hope an agent catches it!
Excellent. No wonder I have such a hard time coming up with the right word sometimes.
ReplyDeleteOh, Elspeth, thank you for this!!! As a linguist, I find this both hysterically funny and fascinating. I also love those words that have too meanings, and so, can be confusing. For instanace, one can desert someone in a desert (although it would be cruel), or speak of the great defense that the defense put up during a game. There are lots more, too. Fun things to think about - : )
ReplyDeleteExcellent.
ReplyDeleteWhy do our feet smell and our noses run?
ann
Oh, this is great.
ReplyDeleteAnd so is Ann´s comment :D
wonderful! language is so....languagey. I had a French pal who thought it was a compliment to tell me that I drove him up the wall! (or was it....hmmmm...)
ReplyDeleteWonderfully written! I still love English and you're not changing my mind. It allows me to do any illogical thing I want!
ReplyDeleteI love this!
ReplyDeleteOur language has so many twists and turns and dips and doodles :) So much fun!
Have a great weekend, everyone! Thanks so much for dropping by!
ReplyDeleteI love it and so true. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteLove it (although I have seen it before)
ReplyDeleteIn England back in the 1970s Hamburgers were made with ham. If you wanted what we call a hamburger here in Oz you had to order a "beefburger".
Al
Publish or Perish
LOL, love this. I copied it to share with some peeps. English is indeed a confounding language. I've talked with multi-linguistic people who've ALL said that learning English was the most difficult language to get the hang of.
ReplyDeleteMarvin D Wilson
English is a difficult language. I'm so glad I learned it as a child. I probably couldn't figure it out now.
ReplyDeleteHelen
Straight From Hel