Writer: The time has come.
Characters: What does that mean?
Writer: One of you has to go.
Characters: GROUP SCREAM
Writer: Oh, calm down. Look at it this way, I'm not killing you off, it'll just be as if you didn't exist.
Supporting Character: How is that supposed to make us feel better? (looks around) It's me, isn't it? It's going to be me!
Main Character: (looking for dirt under his fingernails) Perhaps.
Another Supporting Character: No, it's me. I haven't been pulling my weight. I've been stuck in the same place for chapters. No change. No growth. (points at writer) Actually...that's your fault, not mine.
Yet Another Supporting Character: I don't see why we should take the brunt of this. At one point there was a reason for all of us.
Supporting Character: We were loved.
Another Supporting Character: We were cherished.
Yet Another Supporting Character: We had biographies. I knew where I went to school. I knew I was afraid of spiders.
Main Character: I knew that too.
Supporting Character: Oh be quiet. You think you're sooo special.
Main Character: (smiles)
Writer: I'm sorry.
Supporting Character: You're SORRY? That's all we get? Where are the flowers? Where is the thoughtful tribute?
Another Supporting Character: Even a song would help.
Supporting Character: Yeah. Hum for us, writer-girl.
Supporting Character: Don't make us force you.
Supporting Character: Well, what did you expect? Did you think we'd go down without a fight?
Another Supporting Character: We're feisty.
Supporting Character: And resourceful.
Writer: That's true...
Yet Another Supporting Character: We know our rights!
Characters: (chanting) Save our arcs! Save our arcs!
Main Character: I can tell you what's going to happen...
Main Character: Who ever you pick will just come back. You'll realize you need them for a subplot development. For instance, what about...(whispers in writer's ear)
Writer: You're right.
Main Character: (shrugs) Of course.
Writer: Okay, listen up. You're all still alive. For now. But I'm editing one more time. If you don't pull your weight, you're voted off the island.
Supporting Character: But we're not on an island.
Yet Another Supporting Character: It's a metaphor.
Main Character: Strike one.
Elspeth - You know, I didn't think it was just my characters that acted like that. Nice to know it isn't. And I love your metaphor. Funny thing is, in the novel I just finished a few months ago, two characters - er - didn't make it and one had a complete personality change. I am the puppet master! ;-)ReplyDelete
Margot; I had a character undergo a complete personality change as well! I think the lesson is to not get too attached to characters as they are - change is good (and sometimes fatal - oh well.)ReplyDelete
I love this! Too funny yet so true.ReplyDelete
Uh-huh. I'm glad you liked it, Carol!Delete
Sounds like a normal day at the office. :) They never go down without a fight, do they?ReplyDelete
I killed off one of my protag's three sisters. They were just too damn much. Maybe I didn't kill her so much as subhume her into another sister. I felt awful but it is done done done. Where are the sheep?ReplyDelete