Friday, June 4, 2010

Fun Friday

Welcome to Fun Friday! Today I'm sharing some helpful examples of what not to put on your next resume. Have a great weekend.

  • “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
  • “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
  • “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
  • “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
  • “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
  • “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
  • “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
  • “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
  • “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
  • “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
  • “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
  • “I am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
  • “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

    • Posted by at

    11 comments:

    1. AnonymousJune 4, 2010 at 11:19 AM

      Elspeth - This is *hysterical!* Thank you! I've certainly seen some crazy resumes, and yes, there are some things not to include. I've also seen this one:
      "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets". Hmm....

      ReplyDelete
    2. Elspeth FutcherJune 4, 2010 at 11:24 AM

      Margot; However, that could be included in one's list of Special Skills.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Jan MorrisonJune 4, 2010 at 11:36 AM

      and these people had a hard time getting jobs why? I mean so heartfelt really. I would like a maturity leave. Right now.

      ReplyDelete
    4. Elspeth FutcherJune 4, 2010 at 11:49 AM

      Jan; I'm partial to the marital status: often, children: various. There be a whole lot of story in them five little words.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Carol KilgoreJune 4, 2010 at 12:25 PM

      These are great! Have a wonderful weekend.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Patricia StolteyJune 4, 2010 at 12:56 PM

      I did a few screening interviews for potential employees when I was working in the real world. A couple of times I was included in those little lunches where managers quietly watch the applicant spill soup on his tie or babble incessantly while sweat drips off his nose. It's amazing the dumb things people will say when they feel obligated to keep talking.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Elspeth FutcherJune 4, 2010 at 1:35 PM

      Carol; I'm glad you enjoyed them.

      Patricia; Isn't it amazing how some people will say anything trying to avoid the awkward silences?

      ReplyDelete
    8. JillJune 4, 2010 at 3:28 PM

      Thanks for a good chuckle! Doesn't anybody proofread anymore? Spellcheck won't catch all of this...

      ReplyDelete
    9. AlJune 4, 2010 at 4:45 PM

      Oops! :)

      I only hope I've not done anything so careless in any of my cvs.

      ReplyDelete
    10. Elspeth FutcherJune 4, 2010 at 4:56 PM

      Jill; I know! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.

      Al; I had similar thoughts about myself.

      ReplyDelete
    11. LauriJune 5, 2010 at 4:57 AM

      HA!!!

      ReplyDelete

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