The blessed, to be wished for, Zone has hit. As I revel in the glorious experience of words pouring out my fingers, I'll give you some questions which may make you groan - or think - but, hopefully laugh.
12. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
11. How far east can you travel before you're heading west?
10. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, can you answer "No"?
9. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
8. Why do you put a towel in the laundry hamper if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
7. Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
6. What do you add to powdered water?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
4. Why do we constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
3. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
2. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
1. What is another word for "thesaurus"?
I especially love #7.
ReplyDeleteWell, my schedule and our time zones gave me two posts of yours to read--and as always, totally enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteCarol; It's a sad truth. I've certainly been guilty of it - hopefully I've grown.
ReplyDeleteTerry; Thanks so much and huzzah for time zones! Are you one away from me or two?
Elspeth - I love these questions! They did make me laugh - and think. You are gifted at that, you know?
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is especially guilty of #4. And I want to know why, when you're walking, all drivers are rude and ignorant. When you're driving, pedestrians are oblivious and fooldhardy...
I know you are very hard working. I just know it!
ReplyDeleteI'm also pretty sure your marbles aren't rolling in one direction. You are one very funny, talented lady!
Maribeth
Giggles and Guns
Margot; Thanks for another good question! It's so true!
ReplyDeleteMaribeth; Thanks for writing that. I hope you're right - you certainly are about my marbles refusing to roll in one direction. Hmmm.
Answer for #1 - when I need my son to get me the thesaurus I point to it and say, "get me that book...you know the one with all the words in it."
ReplyDeleteCD
OH and why oh why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? I think I'll be considering the east/west koan for years. It is so zen. or nez depending on which way you're headed.
ReplyDeleteClarissa; How does he know you're not referring to the dictionary?
ReplyDeleteJan; Another excellent question - and speaking of heading east - I might be heading your way this summer. Perhaps we can meet!
really Elspeth, that would be so great! When oh when? I'm gone two times this summer - once to TO for my niece's wedding and once to Montreal for a conference. But I'm definitely here more than I'm away.
ReplyDeleteThen we can cracking on our new biz - Gumption Pills!
Love these! I've never thought of the vanilla one before - that's going to bug me... :)
ReplyDeleteJan; This definitely warrants further discussion.
ReplyDeleteJemi; Odd, isn't it?
Maybe you should switch to comedy writing! Love this! And I needed a good laugh--I'm at work!
ReplyDeleteMichele
12. At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
ReplyDeleteNeither, they belong to the theater, but I "borrow" the right one.
11. How far east can you travel before you're heading west?
Walk eastwardly backwards, then your "head" is always going west, albeit only in a receding visual.
10. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, can you answer "No"?
Yes. There are consequences, of course ...
9. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
Yes ... four and a half kalpas.
8. Why do you put a towel in the laundry hamper if when you get out of the shower you are clean?
Cuz my wife insists ... otherwise it would be stupid.
7. Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
This is my highway ... everyone else is just borrowing it, but I OWN it.
6. What do you add to powdered water?
Powdered Vodka
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Because a round box would make more sense, and pizza is not sensible food.
4. Why do we constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Hey - it COULD happen!
3. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Certainly they must add food coloring to the extract?
2. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
That would ruin the fun.
1. What is another word for "thesaurus"?
"Onomasticon". or, as in my case, "Cheater", as I looked that one up in my e-thesaurus. (wink)
Marvin D Wilson
I hope there's no expiration date on cookie fortunes. I have some that I've saved for years, and I'm still waiting for them to pay off :-)
ReplyDeleteMichele; There's a thought that's cheery and depressing at the same time.
ReplyDeleteOld Silly; I bow in your direction, good sir. Brilliant!
Jenny; Welcome! Let's hope your fortune cookies come true soon.
12. Not in cinema but in air planes: I hate it when I get a mid-seat, sitting there for hours, with two fat bastards stealing my space from both sides
ReplyDeleteCold As Heaven