Friday, April 23, 2010

Fun Friday

Here are the winners of the Bulwer Lytton contest (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.

10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."

9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."

8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."

7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."

6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store."

4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do."

3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies."


1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"


  1. Elspeth - Thanks for giving me a very-much-needed laugh! These are priceless!! And I feel much better about my own writing now : ). Not that we writers are ever anxious about our own writing or anything ; ).

  2. Hahaha! I laughed at the first one but then descended into snickering. These are so funny - thanks for sharing!

    Have a great weekend.

  3. Margot; Aren't they great? And yet, bad at the same time.

    Talli; I snickered as well. I will also admit to a few instances of eye-rolling.

  4. "You lied!"

    Thanks for sharing these. Now I can write in peace.

  5. Ah, I love these! And it makes me feel better about myself.

  6. Carol; That's what makes it art.

    Elisa; They're great for silencing self-judgement, aren't they? Then again, there's the lingering fear that my writing might be this bad - but not on purpose. That's where the nightmares begin...

  7. Perfect! I LOVED these. :) Thanks for making me smile on a busy day, Elspeth...

  8. Can't help it, I love the winner.

  9. Elizabeth; I'm glad. Have a calm weekend. Is that even possible?

    Jemi; I know!

    Al; Isn't it great? I confess a fondness for #8 - it's a groaner.

  10. Elspeth - Me again : ) Please stop by my blog. Something awaits you there : ).


Please leave a comment as I love to hear from you!