Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Expectations and Realities


There are expectations and then there are realities. Living the life is often very different to looking at the life through a window. Many people are disappointed to learn that the vision of writers living in drafty attics writing away on curling scraps of paper while brushing away the ash falling from their French cigarette and taking healthy shots of a cloudy amber liquid in a fingerprint-smeared glass is somewhat outdated.

Taking this further, here's a wonderful list I discovered contrasting expectations and the probable reality. I have no idea who compiled it, but who ever it was, I salute them.


Enjoy.

Martha's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Maxine's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

Martha's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Maxine's Way
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Maxine's Way
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Maxine's Way
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Martha's Way
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Maxine's Way
Celery? Never heard of it!

Martha's Way
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Maxine's Way
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Martha's Way
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Maxine's Way
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

Martha's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Maxine's Way
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Martha's Way
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Maxine's Way
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!

13 comments:

  1. Very cute! Can drinking red wine be the new fashion for writers? If so, I'm totally in style!

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  2. Carol; So am I. Martha terrifies me.

    Stephanie; I can't see why not. Remember to moan artistically occasionally and I should think you're good to go.

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  3. I'm in love with Maxine. This had me smiling the whole way through, Elspeth. Thanks bunches.
    karen

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  4. After that I feel I have known both of them for years.
    Thanks for the list.

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  5. Karen; You're so welcome.

    Al; I know I'd feel far more comfortable with one than with the other! Hope that down-under earthquake wasn't too near to you.

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  6. Elspeth - Thank you! I absolutely love Maxine : )! What a fun and helpful reminder that we all do things in our own way, and it frequently doesn't work out "neat and pretty" like it does on TV. Real life is lots messier, and it's important to be reminded that perfection is basically impossible.

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  7. Love this every time I see it!

    And having unexpected reactions help keep a reader interested in the story.

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  8. The quake was in WA so about as far as Labrador is from you.

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  9. Love it!!

    Maxine has a handle on reality, I think. :) Especially with the wine.

    Elizabeth
    Mystery Writing is Murder

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